You may have already seen this on TV Ones’s Breakfast this morning, Paul Henry was all over it. The retail store Crane Brothers are looking for staff and have written an ‘interesting’ (read: antagonistic and controversial!) advertisement to attract potential employees. I’m not sure I would be rushing to apply though, how about you?

“We are currently looking for people. We have an immediate vacancy for a third full time person in our Wellington store and a full time junior in Auckland.

Be under no illusion that this is easy work and don’t waste my time if you want to be fabulous. You will work at least one weekend day and your day starts at 8.30 not 10.00.

You need to be clean, non smoking and have good handwriting. You need to be able to spell but most of all you need to have manners and not mutter. You must be courteous and have your own sense of style. You definitely must be honest and punctual.

A good well rounded education and a work ethic is what I want in a person. I won’t be impressed by whether you have your own blog or that you get air freighted copies of Luomo Vogue sent in for yourself.

I will be impressed if you dont text me: hey wassup how bout hookin up fr job intrvw and perhaps tell me that you had a paper round, worked at Pak n Save or in a salt mine as a child.

You will have to put up with my constant bitching and moaning and I dont give a shit if you can use some cool CRM system, I want you to turn up, shut up and step up, don’t have “good ideas” (at least for the first year) and rely on your sense of humour to get you past the fear of god I will somehow instill in you, going by past applicants experiences.”